Every Rumor is Correct

And now we feast on the spoils

March 8th was International Women’s Day and shall be known henceforth as the day the global patriarchy was overthrown.

The GOP has been split into three tribes: the Pompoleeches, the Dim-onion-ists and the Phartwaffen. Most have retreated to the Vulvaless Underground, an unmapped territory of basements connected by unlit tunnels they were forced to dig in their retreat, using only salad forks and tiki torches. Some say all the tunnels lead to Tucker Carlson’s WhineCellar of Fermented Gripes but I’ve been unable to verify that.

In Nevada, the barbarians at the gate finally crashed through. Consistent with their longstanding duopoly the Democrats’ split merely reverses their pecking order. In the outer reaches of suburbia, the Mobberits have thrown up a breastworks of fences arranged in cubicles. They can easily be spotted astride the fences during daylight hours. At dusk, they swoop to the ground to gulp down law worms. The newly ascendant Progesterowned males are still permitted broad access to most public spheres as they’re deemed useful to run daycares, move furniture and harvest the amber waves of soybeans.

They’re also used for breeding services in the new matriarchy, which has rebranded as The Mamaluminaries. The trio of tribes formerly known as Republicans claim the Mamaluminaries are headed by a secret cabal headquartered in hidden pizza parlors. They call this cabal The Qlitori but so far, they have yet to find any to prove their existence.

Noone is quite sure what happened to the Libertarians. Rumor has it that they maintain a small network of Boys Klubs in Brazil.

Operation Masque proved an unqualified success in this social transformation. The Mamaluminaries were able to move freely throughout the patriarchal leader enclaves utilizing hair weaves that dangled from the mask edges, adopting the common patriarchal language of grunts and underbelt scratchings so they could access all the Holy Foundational Screeds ‘n’ Deeds.

Now the Twin Councils of Mamaluminarians have replaced Congress. The Eldercouncil of Dolores Huerta (90), Sissy Farenthold (94), Ladonna Harris (90), Eleanor Holmes Norton (83), Gloria Steinem (86), Joan Baez (80), Dorothy Pitman Hughes (82), Betty White (99), and soon, Barbara Ehrenreich (79) provide the guiding wisdom at an annual two-week summer sage purification session called Burning Mama.

The Rulingcouncil issues the laws and edicts. Composed of The Squad, Helen Zia, Stacey Abrams, Winona LaDuke, Tammy Baldwin, Cecilia Chung, Janis Ian, Elizabeth Warren, Wanda Sykes, Katie Porter, Tammy Duckworth, Susan Rice and Dolly Parton, they do the heavy lifting while keeping their Progesterowned staff on their toes.

(To herald these changes, I’m dedicating the week to honor the Mamaluminaries and Progesterowned, but it’s also due to people in my personal life deserving of honor, which will be further covered in my second newsletter later today.)

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The video selections of this week’s newsletters are vital to this Week of Honor so I encourage you to view and listen to them all. Let’s begin with a California based group who suspended their touring after the first wave of the pandemic and have since become even better known for their livestreaming interactions with their audience.

February 7, 2020

Because of their great harmonies, they get compared to other better knowns like the group they cover here. And they do a wide range of covers in their repertoire.

February 17, 2020, leading into the broader awareness of the unfolding pandemic.

The Rainbow Girls are much more than a cover band however. Let’s backtrack to their original composition from 2017, American Dream. It establishes their Americana folk roots, yet again, that’s only a part of their reportoire.

In this week begun with due honor to women, let us be mindful of the importance of avoiding easy stereotypes.

This is their March 8, 2020 version, a week before the pandemic shutdown arrived.

The second newsletter of the day will be out by suppertime. I strongly encourage you to partake of it. Do it for me, but also do it for the balm it may bring to your own sensibilities. It’s an entire meal of appetizers and desserts that won’t leave you feeling bloated.