The Rap-Churr nearing Capture: the twisted path on the way to saving the soul of democracy
Fine, you want to cancel my lack of culture? Then I’m gonna create new ones. Take that, you smartypence laffwing libberotcheese!
I already introduced you to the mother of all rightwing media outlets (the Whinority Report) that echo chambers the whines of the Whinocerous Upyer Wazoo (the latest alias of DeeJay Slurr, The Fraudfather, the Mango Mandemic, the Muttonous Mookhammer, the Corpulent Vulgarish, Myucas the MagaNinnymuss, El Crankyankos, Felcher the Squelcher, Sploogie Howitzer, Looner Ducklipse, Mendacious the ManBoob, The Traitor Tottler, Whitey Whimperfist, Peedink D. Pompous, et al).
As the world’s tastiest pastiest rapper (my frenz call me the Sultan of Slang), I’ve shapeshifted my name to Ke and you can buy all my merch at sKe.ezy-dotcom. My new athletic supporter release just dropped, Spi-Ke Helmutt, festooned with the nation’s bestest slogan in all the evers that ever everred: M(ake) A(merica) G(runt) A(gin).
You perfessers and scientists and generals aren’t gonna socialism me with your fake IQs either. You have to pay for my overheadwear, it’s worth every kryptopenny in your blockchain, my pretty, and as an added bonus, I’ve lined it with a genuine document with diagrams of the Iranian nuclear production facilities for your added warmth. You’re not gonna choo me down or jip me as so many have done throughout history to us Oppressed White Men In Slackface.
Cancel my culture again and there’s more of that where that came from, my preciouses!
Today I launch my new line of Def-Finishuns, featuring:
- The Grim Nude Deal, my rap ode about the threesomes I had with Roger Stone and his wife, Biffy the Umpire Spayer.
- The Shame Mold Deal, wherein Dems are big spenders, soft on crime, weak on defense, and bad for the economy, the same tired narrative the GOP has used for the past 62 years. And their solutions are that old too: lower taxes on the wealthy, criminalize women’s sex lives, imprison people who aren’t pink and censor US history. Not a single original idea to be found in their playlist except the incessant effort to steal elections after their success in 2000.
- The BrownNecks: Way better than the Brownshirts, they’ve brownnosed me so deeply that their necks are all you can see. Led by my new Vice President Wannabe, that Georgia Screech, Margarine Jailer Queene. Henceforth I’ve decreed she shall be known as the Lumpy Lay-D because she put the D in me. I just declassified the pardon I gave her in January 2021 when I was doing that thinking thing and she’s gonna be the best backup grope in Trumptry Music history.
In fact, I deserve two Vices this time. It’s either gonna be the Lovely Kimmy Jong Ugh or Lauren Banshee when I have to do the next deciding thingy.
Georgia? Elect a runner!
khayden, back on twitter: message me your handle: blueridgeb1ll is mine.
Hope you doing better than treading water: i'm surprisingly ok. Balex