The State of the Union is Cloudy With Hairballs
And it's time to hork it up
I present to you the State of the Union in game show format. The name of this game is ‘Let’s Get Real’.
We gather here tonight to consider the current state of our union of 50 states, the District of Columbia and several territories. And I’m not happy to report that corporate executive boards are inflating prices and profits more than ever before, a bloodthirsty pirate is hinting that he’s ready to nuke the world into oblivion and a fake Democrat in West Virginia is overtly telling us “I got mine and fuck all y’all.”
On the other hand, NATO is acting more like NATO than it ever has before so a little credit where it’s due, yanno?
Now I’m well aware that Mitch McConnell is incredibly busy trying to figure out a fresh loophole to block me from ever making a SCOTUS appointment since he can’t find a single disqualifying factor to shun my current nominee with. She has more judicial experience than most of the current court did when they were selected, more than even the Chief Justice had. But at least he finally spoke up to rebuke MT Greene and Paul Gosar for their recent speaking engagements with a white supremacist who was praising Putin and Hitler for the occasion.
Just like that SuperBowl commercial offering No Carb Bud Lite, Gosar and Greene offer no carbs, no calories, no nutrition, just basically water with some pee for coloring. Did you catch how Representative Greene defended her participation? “Oh I’m just doing my Jesus thing, going into Nazi conventions to minister to those poor misguided souls and convert them into nicer people who stand their ground with Jesus guns and have sex with their customers.”
And if you buy that, I have a deal on a great bridge in Kiev to sell you.
Let’s Get Real, shall we? Paul and MT aren’t trusted by their own peers. They can’t get re-elected by hardworking, reasonable, neighborly people so they’re forced to look for misfits and malcontents and conspiracy fetishists hoping to win by a hair so they won’t have to get a job where they have to produce something of value.
Gosar gets a zero rating from animal welfare organizations, he’s Catholic yet boycotted the Pope, he voted against the National Defense Authorization Act of 2022, tried to impeach the EPA administrator, claimed last year that the US is engaged in a Civil War and 6 of his 9 siblings have run ads opposing him because of his racist and anti-semitic views. I don’t know about you but if I pissed off most of my family, attacked the Pope, couldn’t do a thing to please dog and cat owners, hung out with Proud Boys and Oath Keepers promoting Civil War, I’m certain I couldn’t have been elected dog catcher in my home state of Delaware. He did get legally elected in his Arizona district while refusing to accept the votes of the majority of Americans in 2020, so I can’t be sure who exactly he represents or how. Has he done anything for you lately? Or anyone you know? Exactly what public service is he doing for anyone but Vladimir Putin?
And speaking of Putin, the state of his country is hurting pretty bad, but he’s okay as he stashed his money away in other countries. He’s decided to upgrade his 8 year old war to an especially bloody one that will leave more than a million Ukrainians homeless and thousands more dead. The financial cost will be paid by the working families of Russia, the working families of Ukraine and the things he’s been saying makes it sound like he’s challenging Gosar for the anti-Catholic, anti-Jewish, anti-doggie, anti-sanity vote.
Let’s get real. In a free and fair election today, Putin would lose Russia to the drummers for DDT or Monetochka.
Look, I can’t make light of the dire circumstances the 43 million citizens of Ukraine are experiencing today. The Russian army is now laying siege to at least two major cities, hitting residential areas, cutting off humanitarian aid and they have an elite team of mercenaries trying to hunt down President Zelenskyy. Germany has changed their defense policies to provide assistance with defensive weapons, as have several other countries. Even countries who are historically neutral have offerred to help with sanctions or military assistance because they’re so outraged by Putin’s decisions.
More countries are asking to join NATO and Ukraine has asked to join the European Union because of Putin’s decisions. Ukraine has not attacked or threatened Russia in any way. It has simply conducted fair elections that Putin didn’t like the results of. And I just don’t think ‘Kiss my ass or I’ll kill you’ is a very good campaign slogan.
Sadly, even here at home, thousands of people keep trying to steal an election from the majority of Americans while claiming the majority stole it from them. I’m starting to wonder if this is a side effect of Long Hauler Covid.
With Covid, by the way, our union has reached a point where most states are sufficiently vaccinated so we all can feel a lot safer from the virus that has done so much damage for two long years. I can’t be more thankful than I am for the doctors, nurses, hospital staffs and epidemiologists who worked far above the call of duty to save millions of lives. On behalf of the nation, we thank you. And we also thank the frontline workers in fields, factories and grocery stores who kept this nation fed. We recognize you for your work and your bravery in taking on all the risks of doing so.
Now I wish I could provide better news but this one is key. Democracy is not dying. It’s not even close. Fascism and racism and sexism are endangered. The world has had enough of that bullshit. The world needs more free and fair elections. No state in the union can stand alone against a tyrant; it’s unity that made this country strong and keeps it great.
Most Americans understand how lucky we are to have the freedoms we have that so many fought and died to keep. Don’t dishonor and demean the lives they gave up with imagined threats and impossible conspiracies. We have real dangers to face and people claiming violence is the solution are the biggest threats. You and we can’t give into the fear they kindle nor the tiki torches they carry.
That’s the path Putin is taking and he doesn’t care who gets hurt. The lives of his own troops mean nothing to him.
It’s when people, families, neighborhoods, communities and nations work together that real and lasting progress is made. We can do this. We can think together, plan together and work together to make our justice system more just, our families safe, our infrastructure solid again and our rights universal.
None of is is perfect nor needs be. Honest mistakes can happen. But democracy and leadership cannot last with divisive political games under a cloud of perpetul lies and devotion to failed ideologies that ruin lives.
It’s much harder to wage peace than it is to create division and war.
America is kind and can be kinder still. There are many American dreams available and many more yet to come. It’s time for that. Unity. Truth. Opportunity. Building each other up so no one can tear us down.
Let’s get real. And let’s get to the real work ahead.
Also Jim Jordan is just as rotten at the core as Prince Andrew only much much tinier, like Putin.
God bless you if you want it and goodnight.
Here’s the story of one Ukrainian refugee that you might find useful to follow on Facebook. She has enough on her plate with 25,000 followers so doesn’t need private message queries.
This sample should give you a taste of what she’s about.
Take a deep breath for this finish.
I’m also glad to see the Freedom Convoy by truckers funded by very wealthy people has been disbanded. It’s hard to fake a fight for freedom when there’s real freedom fighters dying for it.