The Taliban updates its image

New PR chief promises they've entered the 18th century

In a stunning reversal, the Taliban in Afghanistan crosses their hearts and promise to be moderates towards women and former foes.

"We only have guns and opium to sustain us, but soon you will see. We will be completely civilized moderate brutes like the Saudis, but without the oil."

They invited women to join in their governmenting, but within the bounds of their interpretation of their favored invisible patriarch deity.

”We still don’t like lips. So please, no Liz Cheneys. And what kinda deal can we make? Anyone up for some hashish and poppies in return for some vaccines?”