We-e-e-ll you got trouble my friend, right here I say trouble right here in River City...

(If adult cussing offends you, this ain't for you)

I’m briefly back, doddering & dancing trying to determine how many FEMA vermin all our federal prisons can hold. (Yes, FEMA workers have been pulled out of a North Carolina county by their superiors because there’s violent Trump supporters hunting them.)

Did you hear Donald Trump say “I hope you’re buying stock in Me and Musk’s new gas-gas-gas music venture, Zyklon Beatbox.”

”Soon all the journalists will be doing the CattleCar Fandango.

What was I saying? Oh yeah, play my funky mixtape boyeee.”


From the Boston Globe Thursday:

Read the article too. The rally was hosted by the country’s most famous dog killer.

Over at Slate on Wednesday:

You can read the Slate article too.

All my cultural references are so old you’ll need hearing aids to read and sort of understand them. In Nazi Germany, I would have been labelled a useless eater and I woulda become instant kindling for their ovens.

But who dares challenge Ear Leader when he’s bent on eliminating everyone real American patriots should hate, like Congress, the Cabinet, the generals, 90% of the people he appointed in his first term who criticize him now, late night comedians, fertile women, Muslims, Blacks, Suddenly Blacks, Latinos, Latinas, Mexicans, Venezuelans, legal Haitian immigrants, peaceful protestors, folks working at polling places, every judge who’s ruled against him since Reagan was in office, military veterans, disabled people, people with less than a million bucks in assets, women, girls, sharks, windmills, low flow toilets, meteorologists, college professors, scientists and women?

Not moi.

Meanwhile at Rolling Stone, there’s a fresh reveal Thursday:

It’s truly unfair how many hundreds of thousands that billionaires have to pay to get laid. And Rolling Stone writers are commie, fascist, Nazi, Marxist violent, lunatic liberal enemies within just like his previous Head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff in charge of all our military forces. I mean, that General installed bulletproof glass in every window in his home and bomb preventing curtains because of all the death threats Trump’s supporters direct at him.

He’s also making a list of all the economists and business writers at the lunatic leftwing Wall Street Journal and Bloomberg’s. They don’t realize how smart his tariff plans are because they never checked his Fordham University report card where he got a C- in Intro to Management, a C- in MicroEconomics, a C- in Managerial Finance, a D+ in English Lit and an F in Statistics. His 1.28 GPA would shut the mouths of every econocritic if they’d only do their homework on the stable genius.

UPDATE NOTE: The Fordham University Grades in the graphic below were faked.

In my dark satirical frenzy, I assumed my readers were all well informed of real vs fake things and this was intended as an emulation of all the fake memes Trump promotes. If you were misled by this one, I apologize for being misleading.

His stable hasn’t cleaned up all his horseshit in decades.

Oops, I shouldn’t say such things because if Trump found out, that cowardly cheating employer who hired undocumented workers and underpaid them, that violent motherfucking rapist, racist, traitorous money laundering failed Fraudfather Mafia mook with the thinnest skin and loudest whine in the history of this planet, that fake fucking religious pretender who’s insulted every member of the military (except the war criminals he’s pardoned), that pedophile campaigning while riding around in the late Jeffrey Epstein’s jet, the guy hiding his medical records, afraid to debate Kamala again and afraid to step on a bathroom scale in public since it would reveal he’s the second fattest president in US history, the little man who’s never had a pet, the shithead who’s spent 4 years trying to steal an election and the votes of the majority of voters who has thoroughly demonstrated he’s even a failure at thieving, the first president in history to be a convicted felon while claiming every president since Reagan are crooks, (despite their clean police records), the guy who caused the early deaths of the most Republicans in US history from his lies about covid, yet sent covid tests to spare Putin while denying tests and the manufacture of masks desperately needed by tens of thousands of medical staff across the country.

I think you know who I mean. No, not Peter Thiel who got Vance elected to the Senate and now wants to get Trump elected so he can resign and let Vance get to the Oval Office, pardon all of Trump’s federal crimes and bring Project 2025 to life so censorship, gulags and deathcamps can reign supreme in a new America that betrays all its enemies and breaks bread with the deadliest enemies in our history.

Not the Mercers who keep refining their methods to better brainwash more voters. Not the genius immigrant who’s turned Twitter into a place so boring with its middle school name calling, costing shareholders billions but making it friendly for AI designed scams providing lies to manipulate elections, to convince people not to vote, while paying out $100 for every Pennsylvania resident that files their first registration. You know, the guy who markets that ugly defective cybertruck and has estranged himself from one of his kids. He’ll never go to Mars because along with his impressive business fails, he’s also a weak, cowardly prick.

Thiel, Musk, Adelson, the Mercers, Perlmutters, Uihleins, McMahons, and the other money-addicted billionaires eager to make the middle class poorer while killing off the poorest US citizens, maybe you’re all dangerous fuckheads too.

Maybe you want poll workers attacked, legal electors replaced by your paid pawns, your critics beheaded and democracy completely shattered. I’m absolutely certain all the billionaires mentioned in this newsletter have broken laws and lives with impunity.

So come sue me for slander and libel. Dox all the distant relatives that wouldn’t invite me to dinner. Rip me off and take my non-existence assets. Kill me fast or slow just like all of you have done before. Dying doesn’t frighten me a bit, despite the jollies you psychos would get from my demise.

After all, Donald Scumbucket Trump has taught me well.

I’ve threatened no one, libeled none. You’ve just misunderstood that with all my words herein, “I was just joking.”

Also, fuck all y’all. Everyone knows you billionaires are a danger to us all. You possess all the weapons to do us all in.

Isn’t satire like this just peachy?

I may have a more serious newsletter or two in the next two weeks. Feel free to forward this one to other satire lovers if they’re as twisted and fed up with all the violence promoting billionaire wankers mewling.